What do you think about this beginning?

im writing a story (out of boredom and im bored that is why i am posting it on here lol) and im just curious to how it sounds to a person not writing it, im not sure if its really interesting... tell me truthful answers and don't spare my feelings, ill write down the first dream she has there is more and its not the beginning but its probally the best part so far, (btw im still editing).


I was standing in a crowded low-lit room. The people did not seem to be doing anything, just talking anonymously amongst themselves. A part of my mind was aware that I was dreaming. The room was small and the walls were black, the paint peeling, leaving behind a yellowy musk colour. The only light illuminating the room stood on a small splintered wooden bar, shooting out red rays as it reflected against a wine glass. I stared around at the unfamiliar faces until I came across a face that met my gaze. He had an unusual look; his hair was midnight black and stuck out in unorderly ways. His skin was pale white but looked slightly flushed as if he had just finished running, he wore a simple black top and jeans that marked his muscles quite well. However, it was none of these qualities that held my attention, his electric blue eyes, stared right at mine, not moving an inch from my face. It was as if those beautiful blue eyes were looking into me, discovering things that no one besides me knew. It was as if he was seeing into my soul.
His mouth pulled up into a sly grin as our gaze continued. He slowly took one deliberate step in my direction, still not looking away from me. He raised his eyebrows in a cheeky manner as if saying ’Would you dare it?’ I looked down slowly feeling the heat rise to my cheeks. I knew he would take my distraction for a confirmation. However, as I looked up again he had disappeared. I stared around anxiously waiting to see this mysterious man, but his eyes were lost in the sea of faces. I pushed people out of my way, a few of them shot me nasty glances but I paid very little attention, I searched all over this small darkened room, but he was gone. I turned around and sighed as an unexplained anger washed though me. I headed quickly toward the small black door in a hurry to get back home and froze one leg half way out the door. Standing there looking like a male model was the mystery man. His lips only inches away from mine. His depthless blue eyes crowded my vision, everything in the edges turning to a white haze. He let out a slow breathtaking laugh, breaking the tension. I looked down shyly, wow, he was so handsome, he put airbrushed celebrities to shame.
“Hi,” I whispered in a small voice letting out a gust of air that I had been holding.
“Hi…” he laughed at my attempt of conversation. His voice was the most amazing sound I had ever heard, it felt like being a deaf person and hearing for the first time, “I’m Damien Vanderbilt,”
What an unusual name, though I guess it did suit him, he was defiantly not ordinary; everything about him reeked with unfamiliarity. He was, as I said before, a mystery… a mystery that I wanted to solve.
He leaned in closer, grasping my chin in his thumb and index finger forcing me to look at him.
His lips was puckered up to the side as he studied my expression “and what’s your name?” his voice hinting a European accent.
It took me a while to answer his question his sweet breath disrupted my thoughts, what was my name? “Umm…” I stumbled sounding like a complete idiot “I’m Olivia Clemons, but my friends call me Livi.”
He smiled at me warmly in spite of my idiotic mumble.
“Well Livi…” The way he said my name sent shivers down my spine, “Has anyone told you are extremely beautiful”
I felt my cheeks flame blood red as a wide smile spread across my face. He thought I was pretty!
“And you look very, tasty.” He said casually as if just complimenting a nice meal, instead of complimenting how I would make a nice meal.
I felt confusion spread across my features as I took in his words. What did he mean I looked tasty? “W-what” I mumbled, but he struck a beautiful half grin that wiped my thoughts clean.
A blood-curling scream came from behind me raising Goosebumps on my arms. I turned around fearfully, my pulse drumming in my ear. However there appeared to be nothing wrong. Then I studied the scenery more carefully, a group of people sitting on rusty old stools next to the bar were pointing at a small strange bug on the floor. One girl with strawberry blonde hair and what looked like a fake-tan was crawled up in the arms of what seemed to be her boyfriend, her eyes terrified. Relief flooded through my veins like fire, erasing the Goosebumps. I turned back to Damien giving him a bright smile and instantly froze.
His face had turned serious and fierce a ring around his blazing blue eyes glowed crimson red, nostrils flared in what looked like something more then loathing, something much more like pure hatred to this girl. He turned his glare back to me, his eyes softening






Answer :
You have some good descriptions here, very vivid, but I feel like the opening lines are hard to connect to. It might be better if you put them in present tense. Then use a transition to get to past tense if that's what you prefer, for the rest of the story.






Answer :
thanks for commenting on my story.

i think yours is very good! i thought i was actually Olivia. keep writing because i really want to hear more! honest:)