Is this any good?

is this any good for storytelling in my class??
i'm a freshman in highschool by the way......

David and Paul lay down on the wooden floor of the rocking ship, listening to the sound of the waves and the blow of the wind. “I am so bored. There’s no TV, no internet and no signal here! What am I supposed to do for the next 15 days? Just lie here and wait for myself to die because of boredom?!” complained Paul. “Stop being so dramatic” said David, “Besides, this ship is over 5 centuries old, there’s bound to be something interesting to discover. Come on, let’s look for dad and ask him what we could do.” said David helping his twin brother stand.

David and Paul’s father, or Dr.Gordon, worked for National Geographic. He made documentaries about old means of transportation. Early this year, he was offered to make a special documentary about Santiago- a ship that has survived for more than 5 centuries. He accepted the offer and brought his two sons, David and Paul, along with him.

“Dad! Do you know if we could do anything around here? We’re bored and there’s nothing interesting in this ship!” said Paul. “Hmmmmm, how about exploring the captain’s quarters? How does that sound?” replied Dr.Gordon, “Sounds great Dad! Thanks!” shouted David as he and Paul ran towards the other end of the ship.

“It sure is dusty here” said David as he browsed through old books in the captain’s quarters. “Well, what did you expect David? This isn’t a cruise if you haven’t notice” snapped Paul. David didn’t seem to mind his brother’s angry reply; instead he just concentrated on an old book that he found. “Hey what’s that?” asked Paul. “It’s a diary of someone named Paolo Lopez, and it’s from the 1520s!! Come on, let’s read it!” said David excitedly. “Wait a minute! I think we should Dad check this out first. You know, there might be some deadly bacteria in this” replied Paul looking afraid. “Come on Paul! It’s only a book! It can’t possibly kill us!” said David rolling his eyes. Then, David opened the book and they both read it eagerly.

Thursday, November 19, 1520
6:00 a.m.
I woke up early. I had a breakfast of powdered biscuits this morning as well as water that tasted like hell. Oh how I wish the scrumptious food in the land. But lo, this is the life I chose, and I shall take the benefits and consequences this life has to give me.
After, I went to the bunks of my fellow shipmates. I visited my friend Jose. His swollen gums are getting worse everyday. I tell him the weather conditions of today- bright and clear like the last 20 days we stayed here in the Pacific. After, he falls asleep.

11:00 a.m.
I helped Pedro and Antonio clean the deck. As I mop the floor, I think about the uncharted islands that we could discover in the future – their vast beauty, untouched land and the animals there as wild as the stormy sea. Visions stream in my head and excitement floods through my body.

5:00 p.m.
Jose is clearly dying. I watch him in his deathbed lying down. I pray for him the rosary.
After praying, I check his pulse and with no surprise, it is not beating. I pray again and pay him respects. I will always remember the times we shared manning the desk. He was a good sailor and friend. Other sailors visit him and pray. I go out the room with sorrow in my heart.

9:00
As I get ready for bed, I see the captain looking at the bright and countless stars to find our direction in the Pacific. I pray again for the soul of Jose and fall asleep to the swishing of the Pacific waves.


“Go! Turn to the next page!” said Paul impatiently. David did so obediently. “Hey there’s nothing in here! There’s supposed to be entries of storms, mermaids and pirate attacks! Where are they?” said David as he scanned the blank pages of the diary. “You’ve been watching too many pirate movies David. Maybe you need to stop, at least for a while” replied Paul. David glared at him.

“Hey, what’s that?” said Paul pointing to a yellowish piece of paper sticking out of the diary. “Hmmmm, it looks kind of like a map” replied David as he was examining the piece of paper. “Wait. What’s that? It looks like an X. Yeah! It’s a map with an X! And that means it’s a treasure map! Whoopee! We’re rich!” exclaimed Paul jumping around the room. “Get real Paul. Like you said, we’ve just watched too many pirate movies. Come on, let’s ask Dad what it’s about” replied David. “Alright, but if there really is a treasure, I get most of it ok?” asked Paul. “Whatever you say Paul” replied David walking out of the room with his twin brother not knowing they were holding the map of one of the most valuable treasures in history.






Answer :
good, work on wording